Unlimited

 I'm tired of living by the limits others have set on me. I'm tired of playing down to a level that makes others comfortable. I have gifts I haven't even begun to tap into yet and a life so perfectly me waiting, all I need to do is get through the next 24 weeks and hit as many of my goals as possible. I realize I sound like a broken record, but that's simply because I can't afford to forget it. The 24 weeks are going to pass whether I do anything with them or not. Just because I don't feel like walking, or drinking my water on a day, it doesn't set that day aside in some magical pause, its a day lost and I've lost too many already.

Yes I'm a perfectionist and yes I like to push myself hard. I'm finding a routine of work hard play hard to work well for me, although I have struggles with the concept of rest and play still, but I'm pushing through those as best I can. I'm still struggling with motivation today. I of course had hoped it would be a matter of setting my mind to it and my emotions would fall along happily. Sadly, tis not the case. Won't stop me though, I'm laboring through the most important 24 weeks of my life, at the end of it, everything in my world will be changed, not simply my weight, but the reason I'm so focused on the weight is because I've discovered first hand how the size, shape and fitness level of my body will limit the life I want and as I said at the beginning of this post, I'm tired of living in a limited exitstence, aren't you?

Aren't you sick to death of people telling you what you can't do?

It seems to me NO is society's favorite word these days and I find living by the boundaries other people have set on my life excruciatingly boring, draining, and restrictive. My weight is something entirely mine. Though people are trying to tell me no, I don't have to listen when it comes to my own body and this is one limit I will live with no longer! There's much that is changing in my life, I'm taking more risks, saying yes to more things, to more people, and I'm carving out a life for myself that suits me. It may not be a life that would make anyone else in the world happy, but what difference does it make whether anyone else is happy with my life or not?

Someone who's been exceptionally close to me for more than half my life said to a mutual friend the other day that they disliked talking with me. Of course that got back to me and I'm hurt deeper than I would have thought over it, but I realized something in that moment with crystal clarity, you really can't ever make someone else happy. There have been four people in my life that I have bent over backwards for, changed who I was for, gave up on my dreams for, that person was one of those four and the only one still in my life at all and it got me thinking of how many years I've wasted trying to take care of people and support people and be whatever they wanted so their lives would be happy... it doesn't work. It can never work.

I've gotten some flack the last couple of years for being "different" and its true, I am changing and one of the biggest ways that's true is that I'm not running around constantly spending hours of my day being available to people and checking in with people so they won't think me rude because I didn't check in with them. I'm spending my time building my own life. I'm learning to trust myself so I don't have to live in fear all the time of people hurting me. I'm learning to take down the walls I've put up to protect myself and I'm learning to just do the job myself by making appropriate choices. No more hiding behind walls, I am who I am and you can take me or leave me, but I like me and I like the life I'm headed for. Its just a matter of standing strong and standing for myself and when things do hurt me, like that person earlier this week, its about learning how to analyze it and discard it, not hold onto it and nurse it until it has completely crippled you. I used to do this ALL the time, but I'm learning to not worry so much about my not being everyone's cup of tea.

I think as you get older, people's opinions of you seem to matter less and less, but I would encourage anyone who happens by this post, its SO not worth spending your life chasing the approval of others. There is no sweet spot in life where everything aligns and everyone loves you. Find out who you are and be that person, people will love you for that. People will be attracted to you because you will shine in that life. Other people will hate you because they haven't found the courage to be true to themselves, but the thing is, if you can't please everyone... and make no mistake, you can't, then why bother spending so much time and energy trying to please the very people who would see you miserable and failing and be happy for it?

Believe me, I do know how difficult a thing it is to live authentically and true to yourself, and I'm far from perfect at it, but with each day, that is always my intention, and with each day I do a little better, grow a little stronger and find myself a lot happier. Its a path worth walking and, for me, my weight was an outward sign of how far askew from authenticity I really was. It was a hell of a lot easier to find a moment's joy in a big mac then it was to tell my mother no for instance. Yet until I started telling her no, until I started telling people in general no, I hadn't any internal joy that could withstand the displeasure of the people around me so I reached for external joy and my joy of choice was food.

No, its not really that simple, but that's a big part of it and I believe that any attempt at weight loss or life change, unless you understand what's put you in the thing you are trying to change, it will be like swimming against the tide. You make make it, but damn you'll be too exhausted to even notice if you do and those types of changes spurred on by the will alone, aren't usually lasting.

We are each put on this planet with a purpose, I have no doubt of that. You were created a beautiful expression of the one who created you. You have gifts to bring this sad dreary world and you have the ability for unlimited joy to well up in your soul. I wish that for you. I wish for you to feel that, because the feeling of true joy that comes from aligning yourself with truth is better than any pizza, cheeseburger, or dessert on the planet and I want you to live an unlimited life and I know for fact that weight limits us, but weight is a symptom, not a disease. Don't spend all your time trying fad diets and surgeries, dig deep, find your truth and start excavating a more authentic life. The symptom of weight will begin to take care of itself. You will want it gone in a way you've never felt before because your authentic you most likely isn't overweight and you will find yourself willing to do the work and having the energy to see it through.

Anyone ready to start this journey, I'm here for you, reach out and lets support one another because though this is a wonderful place to be, its not an easy place to be and any journey is easier when you have company. ;-)

As for me, I'm limping right now, but with each good decision I make, I get a little stronger. I'm, still struggling a lot with my water intake, so I've decided to stop trying for six bottles, and go for 3. I can do three fairly easily and I'm hoping the success and the change in how I feel when I start moving away from dehydration, will give me what I need to reach for that fourth bottle, and then the fifth.

Life is constantly in motion, be truthful with yourself, are you moving farther away from, or closer to the things you really want? I have so much faith in you, I know you can have the deepest dreams of your soul, you just have to start with one step, then take another. You'll find it easier than you thought and soon you'll be miles from where you are right now. Be proud of yourself and your successes and give yourself grace for your failures because we need failure to learn from, the secret is... just never give up and never settle for a life of limits when you truly can be unlimited.